The reason why

My afternoon was great!(: I felt that the weight on my shoulders has extinct as I went home. Spent the afternoon with the clique. Oh how I miss all of them!! Had lunch and off to watch Johnny English Reborn! The movie was freaking hilarious! Laughed throughout the movie! There was this really cute kid who was laughing like a maniac. I swear it was kinda awkward cause he was laughing to himself. I was freezing the whole time even though i was using Alexa's cardigan. Esther kept complaining about the temperature. Typical retarded Esther. Then we chilled at MacD. We played the Truth or Dare game on Desmond's phone and we talked about certain things(: THANKS SO MUCH FOR LISTENING GUYS<3 Reallyyyyyy felt damn awesome today. There wasn't as much awkward silences but I love spending time with the clique. ALL SO HAPPY ONE. Can't wait for tomorrow!! WEEEEEE~

clingy

Today, I realized what I said was true. People leave. I should stop dreaming that they'll stay the same, that they'll never leave. They moved on. Why am I so stupid to cling onto them? They found someone special, or someone new. I felt forgotten. I felt like I wasn't needed anymore. I felt like an old toy that's too boring for people to play with, left on a corner in the house, collecting dusts and hoping for someone to pick me up again. But at the same time, I'm filled with doubt and hopelessness.  What's worse is that they're much happier. I know I sound very selfish but.. it's the same on the other side. I'm not blaming them but they left. Either way, it's a selfish world, what do people expect right? The world also moves on. Which means I have to do the same.

more leaves and the silence just gets louder

"Nobody would stick with you. They'll leave you eventually." Someone tweeted this and many things flowed through my mind.

I watched them leave. To be honest, it hurts a lot. I wonder whether it was because we didn't make an effort to continue our friendships. Whether we got too caught up with our own plans that we forgot. Knowing that nothing lasts forever kinda sucks. I mean like why bother to start something when we know it's gonna end. Especially when the ending is heartbreaking.

All of us wonder and hope whether someone distant, would think about us just for a minute. I know that I would. I too have left certain people who are worth staying for. Guilt eats me up but I'm afraid of making efforts. Usually it ends up that one party stops and the other eventually will. We don't bother about it anymore because we get bored. We meet more new people. Deep talks, confessions, etc. They don't exist anymore because we're all laughs. Because it's less awkward. I'm talking shit right now cause I can't think straight. Don't mind me. Anyway, I hope, in the future that I won't get too attached to people cause I don't wanna get hurt. Heh.

Weekends

So the past two weeks has been a blast! SL Carnival, Miyuki's birthday celebration, Vernetta's farewell party, Vernetta's departure, Amos' birthday celebration! WOAH.





MIYUKI'S BIRTHDAY PARTYYYY

VERNETTA'S FAREWELL PARTYYYY

VERNETTA'S DEPARTURE): Her classmates, SLC mates, and churchies!(:



MY SLUT, VICTORIA. HEHE.







AMOS' BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION. OMG, this was me after running from Potong Pasir MRT to Amos' place to "surprise" him. But I failed. HAHA, can you see the sweat?(;

Our epic faces. Win. Press 'Read more' to know about my day!!(:

honesty the best policy? maybe not the best, but better.

i've been having sleepless nights lately. during lessons, i'll just give up listening and go to sleep. i know some of you are like "i sleep late too, but i'm not like you." i'm not like you either. i'm not used to sleeping so late, so my body clock is freaking screwed. i tend to get cranky or crazy. to me, being a cranky person means that a person is honest. but usually in a rude manner. so yeah. i am that person right now. it's not a change in attitude. i'm just too tired of bullshit.

too tired of people being dramatic.
too tired of people who are all like "come say it to my face" and end up saying "keep your opinions to yourself" people like that are just afraid to admit that they're behaving in such a manner. but i respect people who want others to be straightforward to them and making changes.
too tired of being a girl. yes, girls have friends who are dudes and are dirty in the mind. i really don't mind. i don't mind being called horny cause i mean, if you're not, then you were born in the wrong direction. i'm open minded(a change in me and i hope people could accept it. :D) but there definitely is a limit. i'm not all slutty. (btw, people who use the words 'slut' on a girl who doesn't fuck, but just wears too revealing clothes, learn your english) so yes, i don't fuck. therefore, i'm not a slut and still a virgin(till i get married). i'm just a bitch who wants to say what's on my mind.
too tired of people making others change but not making a change in themselves. i mean like, check yourself first before checking others. yeah. (fyi, i did some attitude check when i go and take my showers)
too tired of being an 'expectation'. hello people in disappointment, i'm not a barbie doll. i don't have perfect boobs. i can't do a split when you want me too. i can't smile and be pretty 24/7. and i don't have blonde hair. so, whatever failure i made, i made it. i tried. i made an effort. i will do better. someday somehow.
too tired of watching people leaving.

I'm happier.

Yesterday was really great. Felt so damn happy the whole day. Like finally.

Flag day then off to Darius' place with Miyuki, Victoria, Zoey and Ryan to study and do some stuff(: Finished up and walked to Yew Tee MRT with Zoey(: She talked to me about certain things that got me thinking. It seems like whenever Zoey talks to me, she gets me thinking. Which is a good thing though, because if I don't think about certain things, I won't be able to realize it.

So yeah, obviously they asked me to go back to church. I was scared. Scared of the questions that I will be asked when I'm there. Scared that I'll get a lecture. Scared of telling them the reason why I stopped coming. Scared of people judging me. But I was told to be honest. Sadly I'm not a super open minded person.

It's been three months since I last went to IGNYTE. I wasn't the one that counted, it was Zoey! HAHA. Yeah. There's only one reason why I didn't go back. It's because I gave up looking for God. But I still believe there's a God. I've been finding ways to get to God. But somehow it's like searching for a pin in a haystack. So I gave up. Gave up knowing my purpose in life. Gave up having a relationship with God. Gave up being that someone who could save lives for God. I see no point in it anyway. Someone said it was happier leaving. True. But. Being happier doesn't mean you're the happiest. Kinda hard to explain but I will try to another time.(:

Average is the new exceptional.

NEVER underestimate average.

Screwed.

I'm feeling like.. I don't know.

I can't feel anything. Everything's so boring right now. I find no interest in school, studies and band. I find it scary cause I've never been like this before. I may have my laughs in class but, I'm not feeling happy. Nor am I sad. Just, nothing. PTM was a few days ago. I told myself I wanna do better. But I don't have the motivation to do so.

I have come to a conclusion that I'm mentally asleep. But I can't find ways to get myself back. I thought of something kinda stupid which was to cut myself so that I can finally feel something after a long while. IT WAS STUPID. So I didn't. Now I really can't wake up. I'm just not interested.

Just words and no action means lying.

There has been many things I wanna say. So.

When someone says "I miss you", I wonder whether to believe it or not. Because they're just three simple words. And it kinda gives hope to others that someone misses their face, their laugh, everything about them. But that someone didn't do something about it. When you miss someone, it means you would want to see the person. You would to WHATEVER it takes just to see them. When you miss someone, it doesn't mean just to let them know you do, updating your facebook status or tweet "I miss you" So you're actually just uttering BULLSHIT.

I also wonder how easy it is for someone to say "I love you." Because for me, I find it so hard to say those words. I see so many people saying that to each other and wonder whether they're just words to them and whether they're feeling it. "I love you" aren't just words. It's an expression. You would do anything to show that you love someone. Not blabbing those words to anyone on the street. Yes, we can say "I love chocolates" and blahblah. We only say that when we enjoy something.(k, I'm talking bullshit. But I know certain people would be freaking specific about what I say.) But seriously, I'm just disappointed that people take those words so lightly.

Holiday

I can't find any words to explain my holiday. Productive? Boring? Fun? I don't know.

Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have

Is thinking a habit? Cause if it is, I wish I didn't have a habit to think. This is how the cycle will go if I think.
Think>Assume it is real>Accidentally making in real>bad things will happen.

Look at how fucked up that is. I mean who started with this "thinking" shit.

Day 03- A picture of you and your friends

I don't know these retards. They're not my friends. I hate them a lot. I don't like hanging out with them because they're not fun. They're not special to me. If they're in trouble, I won't help them. I can live without them. But you people should know today's opposite day.(: HEHE.

I just wanna say I love you girlzzz. Alexa, Esther, Erni and Yasmin. I'd die for you. LOL JK I'M NOT STUPID. But if you're in doubt, drowning in sadness or whatever, I'm eight numbers away. I WILL FREAKING ANSWER MY PHONE.<3 I CAN CHIONG TO YOUR HOUSE IF YOU WANT ME TO.

It's killing me.

"I've loved you from the first time I saw you. I think I was 12. It took me three years to pluck up courage to speak to you and I was so scared of the way I felt, you know, loving a girl, that I learned how to become a sarcastic bitch just to make it feel normal. I screwed guys to make it go away, but it didn't work. When we got together, it scared the shit out of me, because.. you were the one person who could ruin my life. I pushed you away and made you think things were your fault, but really I was just terrified of pain. I screwed that girl, Sophia, to kind of spite you for having a hold on me and I'm a total fucking coward because I got these tickets to Goa for us three months ago. But I couldn't stand.. I didn't want to be a slave to the way I feel about you. Can you understand? You were trying to punish me back, and it's horrible. It's so horrible because, really, I'd die for you. I love you. I love you so much it's killing me." - Naomi.

Day 02- The meaning behind your blog name

ANNOYINGBRICK

Yup. I think it's kinda retarded. Cause I was listening to Brick by Boring Brick - Paramore. And I thought, "Boring brick.. Bricks are boring. Wouldn't it be weird if a brick could annoy someone?" END OF STORY. (Y)

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

"Their faces behind the skin. Between this world and the next.. Their teeth and their claws coming out, trying to break through.. The moment I saw you, I know it'd be the closest I'd get to being close. I didn't know what to do with that feeling; happiness. But they know now and they're hungry. Really fucking hungry. Because, for as long as I know, they've been chasing me. And now they're ready, now they're strong enough to breakthrough. And I can't fight them. I used to be able to when I was strong but you've made me weak. And now I can't. They're ready now. They're coming."
- Effy.

1. I have long and thick eyelashes! I like it but sometimes people mistaken me for wearing eyeliner. Teachers in my school suspect it too!

2. I'm a big fan of Spongebob! And I'm collecting spongebob items! :B

3. I LOVE PHINEAS AND FERB TOO. Sadly, Singapore doesn't sell P&F items.): Really wanna start a collection though. My love for Phineas & Ferb started when I watch their shows. I love how their minds work. And they're always optimistic.

4. I'm the master of funny faces. \m/ HEHE.

5. I'm taller than my 22-year-old sister. Not something I should be proud of cause I feel like a freak.

6. I have this roly poly penguin. I always hug it when I watch the tv!

7. I'm 15 and I still watch Barbie shows. IT'S PRETTY K.

8. People may think I have like 100% common sense. But I do have my bimbo moments when I really, REALLY don't know what people are talking about.

9. When I'm home alone at night, I will switch on all the lights. Yeah, that's how scared I am. HEEHEE.

10. I like sleeping on the floor. It's much more cooling that lying on the bed and I can lie wherever I want!

11. I'm not sure whether this is an interesting fact but I LIKE RIBENA. Most people think it has a weird taste so, COOL INNIT?

12. When I'm home alone, I will start making funny faces. SWAG. LOL KIDDING.

13. Sometimes, I think chocolate are annoying candies. LOL. It's so... I don't know. It gives me a headache!

14. I LOOOOOOOOOOVE NUTS. HAHA. Especially almonds.

15. Cinnamon Melts + McFlurry = Sex in the mouth. Seriously, you people should try it sometime. All thanks to Miyuki for creating such awesome food! HAHA!

Yeah.. The last three were about food cause I'm hungry right now.

I'm not surprised.

I'm mentally and physically tired. I've been headfucked for the past five months. But I have no clue of what to do.

I'm not happy. And I never was. The truth is, I really don't know what I'm feeling right now. I don't know whether I'm happy or sad. Whether I'm full of hate or I'm in love. I can never confirm my feelings.

Many people are telling me different things. I don't know who to trust. I don't know which to choose, my head or my heart. Whatever I do, people will judge. The stupid thing is, I listen to what they want me to be. But sometimes, people can never be satisfied. I guess I'm a puppet. I'm unsure of my feelings and I let people control me.

Really stupid. I know. But fuck it man.

Ignorance.

If I'm a bad person, you don't like me
Well, I guess I'll make my own way
It's a circle, a mean cycle
I can't excite you anymore
Where's your gavel? Your jury?
What's my offense this time?
You're not a judge, but if you're gonna judge me
Well, sentence me to another life

Don't wanna hear your sad songs
I don't wanna feel your pain
When you swear it's all my fault
'Cause you know we're not the same
We're not the same
Oh we're not the same
Yeah, the friends who stuck together
We wrote our names in blood
But I guess you can't accept that the change is good

Well you treat me just like another stranger
Well it's nice to meet you sir
I guess I'll go
I best be on my way out

Ignorance is your new best friend

And this is the best thing that could've happened
Any longer and I wouldn't have made it
It's not a war, no, it's not a rapture
I'm just a person, but you can't take it
The same tricks that, that once fooled me
They won't get you anywhere
I'm not the same kid from your memory
Well, now I can fend for myself

Ignorance by Paramore. This song made me fall in love with Paramore again. Every sentence. I mean it. Especially the ones in bold. ESPECIALLY.
This song is dedicated to whoever hates me. Peace. _l_

gonna do this after exams so this blog can be kept alive.

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02- The meaning behind your blog name
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- How you found out about blogger and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you/you have hurt recently
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16- Another picture of yourself
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What you think about your friends
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
Day 30- Who are you?

when's my strike three?

My mind's having a riot. It was so messy that I think my demon woke up. Apparently, she might be uncontrollable. Guilt filling my heart, depression going through my head. I feel very uncertain whenever I wake up every day. It's like I'm living in fear.

I'm a disappointment to everyone. I can't bottle it up anymore. I've gone through countless shit. And I'm always the one who has to give in first. Always. When will it be my turn? To wait for others to apologize to me first? It's just like asking for fuck first and they'll give it to me.

I'm sorry if I'm a fucking burden in your lives.

annoying brick.

Hello. You know me, you link me. You don't know me? Have a nice life.