Weekends

So the past two weeks has been a blast! SL Carnival, Miyuki's birthday celebration, Vernetta's farewell party, Vernetta's departure, Amos' birthday celebration! WOAH.





MIYUKI'S BIRTHDAY PARTYYYY

VERNETTA'S FAREWELL PARTYYYY

VERNETTA'S DEPARTURE): Her classmates, SLC mates, and churchies!(:



MY SLUT, VICTORIA. HEHE.







AMOS' BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION. OMG, this was me after running from Potong Pasir MRT to Amos' place to "surprise" him. But I failed. HAHA, can you see the sweat?(;

Our epic faces. Win. Press 'Read more' to know about my day!!(:

honesty the best policy? maybe not the best, but better.

i've been having sleepless nights lately. during lessons, i'll just give up listening and go to sleep. i know some of you are like "i sleep late too, but i'm not like you." i'm not like you either. i'm not used to sleeping so late, so my body clock is freaking screwed. i tend to get cranky or crazy. to me, being a cranky person means that a person is honest. but usually in a rude manner. so yeah. i am that person right now. it's not a change in attitude. i'm just too tired of bullshit.

too tired of people being dramatic.
too tired of people who are all like "come say it to my face" and end up saying "keep your opinions to yourself" people like that are just afraid to admit that they're behaving in such a manner. but i respect people who want others to be straightforward to them and making changes.
too tired of being a girl. yes, girls have friends who are dudes and are dirty in the mind. i really don't mind. i don't mind being called horny cause i mean, if you're not, then you were born in the wrong direction. i'm open minded(a change in me and i hope people could accept it. :D) but there definitely is a limit. i'm not all slutty. (btw, people who use the words 'slut' on a girl who doesn't fuck, but just wears too revealing clothes, learn your english) so yes, i don't fuck. therefore, i'm not a slut and still a virgin(till i get married). i'm just a bitch who wants to say what's on my mind.
too tired of people making others change but not making a change in themselves. i mean like, check yourself first before checking others. yeah. (fyi, i did some attitude check when i go and take my showers)
too tired of being an 'expectation'. hello people in disappointment, i'm not a barbie doll. i don't have perfect boobs. i can't do a split when you want me too. i can't smile and be pretty 24/7. and i don't have blonde hair. so, whatever failure i made, i made it. i tried. i made an effort. i will do better. someday somehow.
too tired of watching people leaving.

I'm happier.

Yesterday was really great. Felt so damn happy the whole day. Like finally.

Flag day then off to Darius' place with Miyuki, Victoria, Zoey and Ryan to study and do some stuff(: Finished up and walked to Yew Tee MRT with Zoey(: She talked to me about certain things that got me thinking. It seems like whenever Zoey talks to me, she gets me thinking. Which is a good thing though, because if I don't think about certain things, I won't be able to realize it.

So yeah, obviously they asked me to go back to church. I was scared. Scared of the questions that I will be asked when I'm there. Scared that I'll get a lecture. Scared of telling them the reason why I stopped coming. Scared of people judging me. But I was told to be honest. Sadly I'm not a super open minded person.

It's been three months since I last went to IGNYTE. I wasn't the one that counted, it was Zoey! HAHA. Yeah. There's only one reason why I didn't go back. It's because I gave up looking for God. But I still believe there's a God. I've been finding ways to get to God. But somehow it's like searching for a pin in a haystack. So I gave up. Gave up knowing my purpose in life. Gave up having a relationship with God. Gave up being that someone who could save lives for God. I see no point in it anyway. Someone said it was happier leaving. True. But. Being happier doesn't mean you're the happiest. Kinda hard to explain but I will try to another time.(:

Average is the new exceptional.

NEVER underestimate average.

Screwed.

I'm feeling like.. I don't know.

I can't feel anything. Everything's so boring right now. I find no interest in school, studies and band. I find it scary cause I've never been like this before. I may have my laughs in class but, I'm not feeling happy. Nor am I sad. Just, nothing. PTM was a few days ago. I told myself I wanna do better. But I don't have the motivation to do so.

I have come to a conclusion that I'm mentally asleep. But I can't find ways to get myself back. I thought of something kinda stupid which was to cut myself so that I can finally feel something after a long while. IT WAS STUPID. So I didn't. Now I really can't wake up. I'm just not interested.

Just words and no action means lying.

There has been many things I wanna say. So.

When someone says "I miss you", I wonder whether to believe it or not. Because they're just three simple words. And it kinda gives hope to others that someone misses their face, their laugh, everything about them. But that someone didn't do something about it. When you miss someone, it means you would want to see the person. You would to WHATEVER it takes just to see them. When you miss someone, it doesn't mean just to let them know you do, updating your facebook status or tweet "I miss you" So you're actually just uttering BULLSHIT.

I also wonder how easy it is for someone to say "I love you." Because for me, I find it so hard to say those words. I see so many people saying that to each other and wonder whether they're just words to them and whether they're feeling it. "I love you" aren't just words. It's an expression. You would do anything to show that you love someone. Not blabbing those words to anyone on the street. Yes, we can say "I love chocolates" and blahblah. We only say that when we enjoy something.(k, I'm talking bullshit. But I know certain people would be freaking specific about what I say.) But seriously, I'm just disappointed that people take those words so lightly.